Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
