im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Two words: nipple clamps
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