farters have to be the big spoon...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
