I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
