I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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