ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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