She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
