She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
