All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
