Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
