This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
