he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
