I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
