Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
