Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
