forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
