the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
