This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
