you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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