thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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