i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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