I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You ruined the universe
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
