He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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