Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
