I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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