I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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