Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
