I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
