I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
