Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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