Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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