What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
