Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
