my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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