please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
