woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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