you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You are the jesus of drinking
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
