i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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