every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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