I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
