Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
