Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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