There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
