I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
