Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
