What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
