when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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