I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A+ Viking dick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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