If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
