remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
