They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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