Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
