We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
