shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
