You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
