I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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